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Monday, July 7, 2008

What Not To Say When Someone Dies

Found this on the net some are applicable to us.
Some are not.. Very interesting indeed

Don’t . . .
• Don’t say, “I know what you’re going through.” We really don’t know what someone else is thinking or feeling. Every griever’s experience is unique.
• Don’t say anything that will make the mourner feel guilty for the death of their loved one.
• Don’t monopolize the griever’s time at the funeral home or over stay your welcome. Realize that the griever needs to share time with others and also needs time alone.
• Don’t say things like, “You’ll forget …” or “Time will heal your hurt and you’ll get over it.” The mourner doesn’t want to forget their loved one. And you never get over the death of a loved one … you learn to live with it.
• Don’t say anything about the appearance of the deceased at the funeral home to their loved ones.
• Don’t ask: “What happened?” Let the griever share their story when they are ready.
• Don’t violate the griever’s trust in you by sharing personal information with others.
• Don’t say, “Call me if you need anything.” People who need … generally won’t ask. This can also be perceived as though you are just trying to be nice — an offer that is meant to be declined.
• Don’t use hackneyed consolation by saying, “God works in mysterious ways.” “They’re in a better place now.” “You can always have another child.” The griever would do anything to have the deceased with them and these types of sayings often hurt more than they help.
• Don’t force the mourner into a role. “You’re so strong.” “You’ll need to pull yourself together.”
• Don’t try to hurry the griever through their grief. Grief takes time and patience and cannot be done on a fixed schedule. Often the grief process takes years.
• Don’t tell the mourner what they should do. This reinforces a sense of incompetence and each person handles things differently.
• Don’t make philosophical comments, “He wouldn’t want to be a vegetable.” “It’s a good thing for her that she didn’t suffer.”

1 comment:

MrsPartyGirl said...

tama ka, although it really is hard to be tactful sa mga ganitong pagkakataon. i guess, the least we can do is be less insensitive and be more considerate of their grief.

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